At a glance: Struggles to share toys, take turns, or let others use their things. This is a normal part of toddler development. See practical steps and 32 related activities below.
Built by a parent of toddlersDesigned for common toddler moments across 1 to 4 years (12–48 months)
Field-tested ideas shaped by direct parenting experience and guidance from reputable sources including the NHS, NSPCC, the CDC, and Zero to Three.
Try this first
Don’t force it. “In a minute” is a real answer — honour it before asking them to hand over.
Use a turn-taking timer, not a rule. A sand-timer or short song makes waiting visible and fair.
Give them the phrase to keep what’s theirs: “I’m using that right now.”
Let them own a few special toys no-one has to share. Secure ownership builds willing sharing.
Why this works
Use turn-taking with a visible timer instead of forced sharing ("When the timer beeps, it's Sam's turn"). Allow "special" toys that don't have to be shared — put them away before playdates. Practise with low-stakes items first (crayons, playdough, bubbles). Model sharing yourself and narrate it ("I'm sharing my biscuit with you — would you like some?"). When sharing happens naturally, celebrate it warmly: "You gave Lily a turn — look at her face!" Set up duplicate popular toys when other children visit. Teach "You can have it when I'm finished" as an alternative to immediate handover. Zero to Three's developmental framing is helpful here: at this age, focus on adult-supported turn-taking rather than expecting independent sharing — it's more developmentally appropriate and far less stressful for everyone.
Many toddler behaviour spikes come from hunger, tiredness, transitions, or a mismatch between big feelings and limited language. The goal is regulation first, teaching second.
When should I worry about sharing difficulties?
If this pattern feels intense, persistent, or starts affecting sleep, safety, nursery, or family routines, it’s worth speaking to a professional. Your health visitor or GP can discuss your concerns and refer you to specialist support if needed. The NSPCC helpline (0808 800 5000) also offers free, confidential advice on any child behaviour concern.
More on this moment
When to use this guide
Use this when 'mine!' is the most-used word in the house and you want to build sharing skills through play rather than forced turn-taking.
When to step back
Under 24 months, true sharing is developmentally impossible. Parallel play with duplicate toys is more realistic than expecting a toddler to hand something over willingly.
What success looks like
Your child waits briefly for a turn, offers a toy to another child unprompted, or uses words like 'my turn next' instead of grabbing.
What to try first
Model sharing yourself: 'I am sharing my biscuit with you.' Use a visual timer for turn-taking so the wait feels predictable and fair.
True sharing requires theory of mind — understanding that another person has feelings and desires separate from your own — which doesn't reliably develop until age 3 to 4. Research from Zero to Three notes that "two-year-olds are just beginning to develop theory of mind — an understanding that other people have different thoughts and feelings than their own." Before that, possession feels like an extension of self; giving away a toy feels like losing part of who they are. Toddlers live entirely in the present and can't hold onto the promise of "you'll get it back." Turn-taking requires patience, working memory, and delayed gratification — three skills that are barely emerging at this age. What adults see as selfishness is actually age-appropriate neurology. Two-year-olds CAN share, but research consistently shows they typically only do so when explicitly asked by an adult or when they're truly finished with something.
What should I avoid during sharing difficulties?
Don't force immediate sharing — it teaches that anyone can take your things at any time, which increases guarding behaviour rather than reducing it. Don't shame ("Don't be selfish") — they genuinely lack the developmental capacity, and shame doesn't build skills. Don't always give in to the loudest or most upset child — it rewards escalation. Don't expect spontaneous sharing from children under 3 — early years research consistently shows that unprompted sharing typically doesn't begin until around age 4. Forcing the behaviour before the brain is ready creates anxiety around belongings, not generosity.
Most families see fewer incidents within 2–3 weeks of a consistent response. It’s normal for the behaviour to briefly intensify before improving — this is a sign your child is testing the new boundary, not that it isn’t working.
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