At a glance: Struggles to share toys, take turns, or let others use their things. This is a normal part of toddler development. See practical steps and 33 related activities below.
Built by a parent of toddlersDesigned for common toddler moments across 1 to 4 years (12–48 months)Last updated
Field-tested ideas shaped by direct parenting experience and advice from reputable sources, including NHS Best Start in Life and NSPCC child development research.
Try this first
Use turn-taking with a visible timer instead of forced sharing ('When the timer beeps, it's Sam's turn'). Allow 'special' toys that don't have to be shared — put them away before playdates. Practise with low-stakes items first (crayons, playdough, bubbles). Model sharing yourself and narrate it ('I'm sharing my biscuit with you — would you like some?'). When it happens naturally, celebrate it warmly: 'You gave Lily a turn — look at her face!' Set up duplicate popular toys when other children visit. Teach 'You can have it when I'm finished' as an alternative to immediate handover.
Are sharing difficulties normal for toddlers?
Many toddler behaviour spikes come from hunger, tiredness, transitions, or a mismatch between big feelings and limited language. The goal is regulation first, teaching second.
When should I worry about sharing difficulties?
If this pattern feels intense, persistent, or starts affecting sleep, safety, nursery, or family routines, it’s worth speaking to a professional. Your health visitor or GP can discuss your concerns and refer you to specialist support if needed. The NSPCC helpline (0808 800 5000) also offers free, confidential advice on any child behaviour concern.
More on this moment
When to use this guide
Use this when 'mine!' is the most-used word in the house and you want to build sharing skills through play rather than forced turn-taking.
When to step back
Under 24 months, true sharing is developmentally impossible. Parallel play with duplicate toys is more realistic than expecting a toddler to hand something over willingly.
What success looks like
Your child waits briefly for a turn, offers a toy to another child unprompted, or uses words like 'my turn next' instead of grabbing.
What to try first
Model sharing yourself: 'I am sharing my biscuit with you.' Use a visual timer for turn-taking so the wait feels predictable and fair.
True sharing requires theory of mind — understanding that another person has feelings and desires — which doesn't reliably develop until age 3–4. Before that, possession feels like an extension of self; giving away a toy feels like losing part of who they are. Toddlers live entirely in the present and can't hold onto the promise of 'you'll get it back.' Turn-taking requires patience, working memory, and delayed gratification — three skills that are barely emerging at this age. What adults see as selfishness is actually age-appropriate neurology.
What should I avoid during sharing difficulties?
Don't force immediate sharing — it teaches that anyone can take your things at any time, which increases guarding behaviour. Don't shame ('Don't be selfish') — they genuinely lack the developmental capacity, and shame doesn't build skills. Don't always give in to the loudest or most upset child — it rewards escalation. Don't expect spontaneous sharing from children under 3 — it's neurologically unrealistic.
