At a glance: Tears, clinging, or refusal at the nursery door — even when settled the rest of the day. This is a normal part of toddler development. See practical steps and 19 related activities below.
Built by a parent of toddlersDesigned for common toddler moments across 1 to 4 years (12–48 months)
Field-tested ideas shaped by direct parenting experience and guidance from reputable sources including the NHS, NSPCC, the CDC, and Zero to Three.
Try this first
Build the goodbye into a ritual: one hug, one phrase (“back after lunch”), leave. Every time.
Never sneak out when they’re distracted. Trust costs more to rebuild than the tears cost to face.
Let them carry something of yours — a scarf, a photo, a small note. A bridge across the separation.
Trust the staff. Most children settle within five minutes; phone in at lunchtime if you need to.
Why this works
Practise goodbye rituals at home before nursery starts — a kiss, a phrase, a wave from the door. The AAP recommends a 'brisk transition' — a short, warm goodbye, then leave decisively even if there are tears. Keep the same ritual every single day so it becomes a comfort in itself. Bring a transitional object: a small soft toy, a family photo card, a parent's scarf with familiar smell. Talk about reunion, not separation: 'I'll see you at home time and we can have a snack together.' Hand over warmly to a named key worker — show your child you trust the adult who is taking over. Ask the nursery how the rest of the day went — most children settle within a few minutes of you leaving, and knowing this helps you trust the goodbye next time.
Are nursery and childcare drop-off normal for toddlers?
Many toddler behaviour spikes come from hunger, tiredness, transitions, or a mismatch between big feelings and limited language. The goal is regulation first, teaching second.
When should I worry about nursery and childcare drop-off?
If this pattern feels intense, persistent, or starts affecting sleep, safety, nursery, or family routines, it’s worth speaking to a professional. Your health visitor or GP can discuss your concerns and refer you to specialist support if needed. The NSPCC helpline (0808 800 5000) also offers free, confidential advice on any child behaviour concern.
Why do nursery and childcare drop-off happen?
Drop-off is its own moment, even for a child who happily plays at nursery for the rest of the day. The transition from your arms to a different adult, in a setting full of stimulation, is a small daily separation that's worth treating on its own terms. The American Academy of Pediatrics frames goodbye as something parents can practise and structure: a predictable ritual builds trust over time, while inconsistency or 'just one more cuddle' makes the next day harder. Settling-in periods are also normal — most toddlers need a couple of weeks before drop-off feels routine, and a regression at any point (after illness, holidays, a change at home) is to be expected.
What should I avoid during nursery and childcare drop-off?
Don't sneak out while your child isn't looking. The AAP is firm that this 'can erode their trust in your return' — every sneaky exit makes the next drop-off worse. Don't draw the goodbye out — long, emotional farewells amplify the anxiety rather than soothe it. Don't promise things you can't guarantee ('Mummy will be back in five minutes'). Don't bring a sibling, a phone, or a long story — be present and brief. Don't show your own anxiety on your face — toddlers read it instantly.
Most families see fewer incidents within 2–3 weeks of a consistent response. It’s normal for the behaviour to briefly intensify before improving — this is a sign your child is testing the new boundary, not that it isn’t working.
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