TinyStepper
Parent and child on a sofa with a picture book, warm lamp light

Holding Hours With Mum

Reserve a daily protected slot — same time every day — that is one hundred percent for your older child, even after the new arrival is home. The regularity is the medicine.

Activity details

18m–4y20 minslowindoorNo prep

Instructions

Get ready
  • Pick one specific slot in your day — same slot every single day. Twenty minutes is enough.
  • Tell your child: 'This is our special time. Just you and me. Every day.'
  1. Pick one specific slot in your day — same slot every single day. Twenty minutes is enough.
  2. Tell your child: 'This is our special time. Just you and me. Every day.'
  3. Put your phone in another room. Close the door if needed.
  4. Let your child completely lead the slot — they pick what to do, you follow.
  5. No multitasking. No checking messages. Eye contact, full attention.
  6. If the new little one needs you mid-slot, hand them to another caregiver if at all possible.
  7. End the slot warmly — 'That was our time today. We'll do it again tomorrow.'
  8. Repeat every day, including weekends, even if only for ten minutes on busy days.

Parent tip

Start before you overthink it. No-prep activities work best when you begin while the moment is still recoverable.

Relaxed child lying on a floor cushion with blanket and pinwheel in a cosy calm corner

What success looks like

A few quiet minutes together without pressure. If your child relaxes even slightly, that’s self-regulation building.

Pick a slot every single day — bath time, after lunch, before bed — and protect it as the older child's exclusive time with you. Phone away, no other distractions, no shared focus with the new little one. This protected slot is the most important single thing you can do to prevent regression and acting-out around a new sibling, because the older child can hold on to the fact that their dedicated time will arrive, no matter how busy the rest of the day is. Predictability is the medicine.

Why it helps

Zero to Three guidance on the transition to siblinghood places special emphasis on the older child's need for protected attention: regression behaviours like clinginess and night waking are often the toddler's way of asking for connection in an indirect way, and the most reliable cure is to give the connection directly and predictably. The NHS guidance on early childhood emotional development reinforces this — predictable, undivided attention is the foundation that allows a child to tolerate the unpredictable moments around it.

Variations

  • Let your child pick a different activity each day — books today, blocks tomorrow, cuddles the day after.
  • Use the slot for outdoor walks if your child is restless — exclusive attention works just as well moving.
  • Let your child name the slot — 'Mummy minutes', 'cuddle time', 'us time' — so it feels official.

Safety tips

  • Don't promise the slot if you can't deliver it — broken promises do more damage than no promise at all.
  • Resist the urge to cut the slot short to deal with the new little one's needs unless genuinely urgent.
  • Don't use the slot as a reward or take it away as a punishment — it's unconditional.

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